Ever since Will Smith got up and slapped Chris Rock, I’ve been bringing up the incident at ladies’ luncheons, girlfriend happy hours and with supermarket strangers. Curiously intrigued by the way people were processing it, and deeply annoyed when they made excuses for Smith, in true Amy Ragsdale fashion, I kept digging into why it fascinated me.
It took me two weeks, but I cracked it.
Our profoundly sick society
will never heal if we continue to
take things personally,
avoid our accountability
and refuse to be vulnerable.
We would rather walk around angry, wounded, insulted, and feeling victimized instead of asking ourselves one simple question. Why am I angered, wounded or insulted by someone else’s opinions or actions? Although the question is simple, asking it takes guts and the answers may be complex and unpleasant. Ask anyway. Figuring that out will free us from senseless suffering and offer healing opportunities.
As don Miguel Ruis says in The Four Agreements, “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.”
The photo at the top of this post is my representation of the Smith/Rock scenario. Of course, I am Rock, bullied and stunned by a lifetime of my sisters’ condescending actions and hurtful words. My response had been invitations to talk about it or to go to therapy together. I never slapped her, but did fantasize about it, especially when her cruelty was turned on my children. Her blatant confidence in her conduct prevented the option to discuss and investigate, and instead had her doubling down on her perceived authority over me and my ‘white trash’ life. When it was clear that there would be no cathartic conversations, honest ownership, or healing forgiveness, I distanced myself from her disrespect and abuse. This process has been played out repeatedly with other siblings and friends. If they are not willing, I wish them well and move on.
We all make mistakes; do and say things that are unkind or inappropriate, but we also have opportunities to dig in, apologize, be vulnerable, forgive and heal. Until we do, we will continue to make excuses for toxic and violent behavior and our profoundly sick society will just get sicker.
The eternal optimist in me sees a lot of love and happiness in our future. What do you see?
I sure would appreciate you considering
a singular, handcrafted sterling or gold design
when you are shopping for
Graduations
Weddings
Birthdays
Thank You,
Amy